A CAST OF THOUSANDTHS

Many songs revolve around characters involved with the group. At various times, the band has boasted the following disgusting reprobates:

THE CAST

MUTTLEY McLAD

The fat bass player and singer who writes most of the songs. He has been at every gig, smoked the most tabs, and collected a complete set of embarrassing diseases.

The BEATER

Asian-looking guitarist, hypochondriac, top-class moaner, who beats about the bush. He has left the band many times as he hates everyone in it. His arranged marriage(s) were not a success.

The ORIGINAL STEZ STYX

Guitarist and the hardest man in Macc. The original drummer who never knew what he was fighting for, but fought anyone for it. Stez has spent most of his life propping up bars, hitting people with bars, or behind bars.

CHORLEY the HORD

Long-haired, effeminate, ladies’ man who could play drums and mince. Chorley has a tidy flat, and owns deoderant, soap, and soft toilet paper.

BAMMY

Latest recruit to the lads den of iniquity. Band Manager, stout swilling, pot-bellied pig, and world champion masticator. A empty pack of Scampi Fries is often found nearby.


PREVIOUS COMBATANTS
Johnny Mard
Guitarist and the hardest man in Macc – when Stez is inside. Mard is of great interest to scientists, as he has only one internal organ- a vast bladder enabling him to drink upto 19 gallons of ale without going to the bogs.

Philip ‘Fast Fret’ McCavity
Meths-swilling, guitar-playing vagrant who knows no pain. He lives in a pub doorway, collects dog-ends and has bathed only once- apparently it “weakens the constitution”.

Winston Dread
Jiving, funky, trendy, drummer. A car thief with ‘Riddim’. Winston can dance, play a variety of percussion instruments, and owns a Bob Marley LP. He likes to help the police with their enquiries.

Cheeky Monkey
Weasley waggler of drum sticks. Born in a salt beef bar and once had to wash his bedsheets after his mum complained. They were too stiff to go in the washer.

Stez Styx #2
Scouse waggler of drum sticks, and glass collector from 90-92. Alter ego of the world infamous Eddie Shit. Retired to take up a career in flower arranging.


ASSOCIATES
Al O’Peesha (the weedy, bald one)
Mon (stoner soundman with no hair)
GI Joe (ladies man with clean hair)
Slimy Git (this is the manager, guru, and master of business affairs)
Slippery Git (his nephew, who sells tee-shirts at concerts at very reasonable rates)
Axe (skinny soundman, tour manager and eating champion)
Slob (his job seems to have been eating and sleeping)


ROADCREW
Blub (fat git who smelled of cat food)
Tankie (small, hard bastard, who never spoke)
Mungo (big, hard bastard, who never spoke)
Igor (hunchback who liked sausages)
Lockstock (fat, jolly)
K2 (very fat, miserable)
Barrel (very, very, fat, lying, useless lump)
Ben Nevis ( as above, but taller)
Killing Man Giro (as above, but drunker)
Bach (very fat, very useless, very, very, very stupid, lying lump … In fact Bach was so dense that, at times, no light could escape)


LANGUAGE
Songs were written in Macc dialect:- I have translated them into Queen’s English, (where possible). Consequently some lines may not appear to rhyme. Alternative spellings appear in italics; backing vocal lines are written in brackets.


SLANG
Notes have been made for dim readers, and a full glossary can be found in the A-Z. However, some words which crop up in almost every song are:-
Boddies = Boddington’s Bitter – local beer (until recently), it may not be the best, but it does rhyme with more words than, say, Britvic Orange
Crack = Affectionate term for women, (the collective noun being clump)
Fit = Attractive or desirable
Lump = Affectionate term for men, used by women
Profit = Never mentioned within earshot of the roadcrew


WOMEN
These tend to have slim waists and sticky-out chests. They nag alot, shouldn’t be allowed to vote, drive, or breed. They do sing the lead on “Dan’s Round Us Andbags” & “Two Stroke Edward”.


MUSIC
The letters at the top of each page are the chords used in that song, in no particular order; ‘mod’ means that the song ‘modulates’ (changes key), and that all the songs are in 4/4 time
(or 2/4 occasionally) except where it says ‘3/4’. (Personally, we haven’t a fucking clue what that previous paragraph was all about… but apparently ‘musicians’ will understand).


COPYRIGHT
All the lyrics are copyrighted, (i.e. ‘THE MACC LADS’ OWN THEM) E.G. ©1985 gives the date the song was (probably) written. This is required by law, to stop people from ‘stealing’ the songs. This red tape has cost a fortune, and who wants to steal this steaming pile of badgershit? Elton Bastard John? Pavver-fucking Rotty? George Cunting Pissing Arsing Buggering Popadopalous Michael?

Slimy Git, FEB. 2018